Thursday, August 14, 2008

An open letter to parents whose children attend art camp

Dear Parents-

I'm sorry to just call you "Parent" but I know that when I introduced myself at the beginning of camp, all I got from you is "this is Joey." So you are only known as Joey's mom/dad/grandma/sister/vague relationship that I'm not sure of/pimp/brother etc.

If you see me, Kiki, (the helpful camp assistant in her late 30's who is getting paid minimum wage to help out with art camp because they begged me to lend a hand and all the interns are too hung over to deal with the am camp) at the end of the day and I look like I want to throw your child out the window, please take a minute to ask how she did today. This is not the time to say that your worthless ex-husband did not give her her morning meds. (Umm that is the second time this week, is it always his fault?) If you can, take a minute to tell me at the beginning of class so that I am mentally prepared to deal with your son/daughter in a caring manner rather than raising my voice and pulling my hair out.

Do you think your child has a special talent? let me know, I can encourage the teacher to think about it while working on the projects, but having her tell me that she can't do today's project because it's not what she's good at doesn't fly. There are 14 other kids in class, I can't just stay with one. Why should the kid's that are truly trying and need assistance suffer because you insist on doing everything for your child.

I know that I'm not a "real artist" but I am the one who is with your kid every day of camp. While I don't need the fawning that you give the artist, a "thanks" or something along those lines would be nice. If I look like a zombie at the end of the day, it's not because I'm disinterested, it's because your child and the other monsters have sucked my soul out through my finger tips.

And by the way, I don't care if you clean up after you children constantly at home, I'm not doing it here. Please encourage them to be responsible. It's bad enough I have to help clean up after the artist.

Please don't send your child to a glass studio in flip-flops. I can't believe I had to tell you that. Really. And why are you surprised that he got a cut when he was doing the glass project? And if I have my way, crocks and flip flops will be banned from kids camp. Just because I said so.

It says in your letter of information that we take a snack break. Is it really too hard to pick up a piece of fruit or a bag of crackers to send with them? I can't afford to feed all these kids. (remember the minimum wage thing up there)

Oh and dads, this one is for you. I know when Mom is out of town you let little junior pick out his snacks and lunch treats, but really, a little common sense. Please do not send your already "excitable" child with a movie theatre pack of Twizzlers, a box of JuJuBees, and some sour patch kids. The squeeze yogurt isn't really "health food." Neither are chocolate chip granola bars. If the top ingredient is "Sugar" or "Corn Syrup" think about what you are doing to me. Please.

And finally, this is ART camp. Not cell phone camp or toy camp so those can be left at home or put somewhere where I can't see it. And when making art, children tend to be messy. 3 hours with paint and glue some of it is bound to find its way to your child's clothing. Not my problem. It's bad enought that I have a huge paint mark across my boob because someone "handed" me a white brush. Oh well, black tee shirts are boring any way. Now HP has a place to aim for.

Hugs to all of you devoted parents and your shining offspring.
Kiki

PS. Last week's kids were much better to deal with and their projects were nicer too. Nyhnie-Nyhnie-Nyeh-Nyeh

2 garnishes:

noble pig August 16, 2008 at 9:56 AM  

OMG that made me laugh. I can only imagine what you are going through! Ha! It sounds horribly fun...HHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

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